I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
