I hate your face
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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