I'm really into asian looking animals
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
