Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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