My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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