JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
