He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
