I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
