honey bunches of taint.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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