I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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