I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
