actually, I'm a sock model
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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