I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Randomize
