im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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