a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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