Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
