I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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