just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize