I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
