Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
