Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
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