they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
