I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
