my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
