He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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