Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
