I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
