yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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