if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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