Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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