I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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