I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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