maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
