True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A bitchslap is in order.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
