So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
