Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
