Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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