I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I can't turn off my feet"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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