i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize