do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
