i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
whose parrot is this?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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