come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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