So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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