My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I need moral support for this bender
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
