made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize