I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
