Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
