she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
