if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
