she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
