I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize