did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
