So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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