Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
