see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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