I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
