I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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