OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
