Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
