My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
