im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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