the condom got lost in my hair
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
