I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what day is it and did you see me today?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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