That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
