I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
honey bunches of taint.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
