I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
