HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I did not marry a roomba.
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