PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
