He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
