I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
