i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
