I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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