there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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