Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my being single is dangerous.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
