I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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