WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
