So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
