dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
