She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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