I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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