yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
