she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
