He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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