I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
