Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
