I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
