my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
