Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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