what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
