The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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