I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
