the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I think i got beer on your cat.
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