ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
