I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize