i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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