just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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