The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize