dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
