We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
