I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
