you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
