I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
