Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
