Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
