u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
