Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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