my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
why is half of my head shaved?
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