the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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