I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
