I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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