Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
