Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
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