Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
