Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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