After last night, I could never be a politician.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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