people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
