The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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