Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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